Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
