so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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