Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
