i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
