Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
