im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
