And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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