nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
