i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
