I'm lost and stupid without you.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
