Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
