I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
