I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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