Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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