I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
