I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
