You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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