I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
