we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
