You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i think we sleep fucked last night...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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