Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
