sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You can't special order awesome
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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