Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
