Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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