also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
