omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
