Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
