so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize