my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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