new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
