sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
vagina is talking i cant
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
