if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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