this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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