Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
