WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
As shirtless as possible
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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