I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
