I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
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