I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
