i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
