ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Can Purell be used as lube?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
