I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
