We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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