I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
