The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize