its not stalking. its research.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
