Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Randomize
