dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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