I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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