when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
