WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
