How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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