I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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