I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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