what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
