Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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