I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
