i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I came so hard my ears popped.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
