you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
