this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
