You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
