Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
