So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
