We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
