I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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