If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
