Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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