I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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