I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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