If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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