as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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