I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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