i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
